Roll up for the Mystery Tour

I’m not sure what the hell happened to me, but I’m leaving California now.  I came here in search of great fortune and I am leaving nearly penniless.  Again and again, I come back to these lessons of being broke, of running out of money.  My perspective on money is still not healthy; if it was, I’d be able to manifest whatever money I need and want.  That’s how money works.  It’s an energy and it collects in places it finds amiable.  Obviously, I haven’t found what it takes to attract money because I am empty again.

Empty and full.  These are the great lessons of the Tao.  What is full shall be empty again and what is empty shall overflow.  I’ve gone through this cycle plenty of times in my life.  Having, not having, having, not having.  And I”m tired of it.  Sure, I learn a lot when I have nothing, or almost nothing, but I’m tired of it.  I want to learn the lessons that come with abundance, the lessons of sharing and providing for others.  Recently, there have been times where I have manifested exactly what I need to manifest and those moments have been powerful.  Those were the days of the summer solstice and beyond, the high moments of summer when the sun is strongest.  Being a person of the sun, I flourished.

I left ATX on the vernal equinox, when the increasing darkness begins to be noticed.  Rising yin.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was not a time to move outward into the world, it wasn’t a time for me to try and make a miracle happen.  If I had been with my partner, things would have been different.  A balanced team can move through all obstacles and challenges.  But facing the dark time of the year alone, my light soon winked out and I was chasing my tail, following whim after whim in a thick self-induced fog.  I would never admit it to myself, but I was scared.  I had no idea what to do, no idea what I should be doing, but I continued anyway.

Before I even left TX, I knew that it was a silly thing for me to do, that I would be better off staying at ‘home’ and waiting patiently to go to France.  Or even to go to France before I thought I would and just be there.  But I couldn’t face arriving in France with little money; I had done that before and I would be damned if I was going to do it again.  So I pushed myself, forced myself into a situation that I didn’t really want to be in.  I didn’t listen to that little voice inside of me, the one that I’ve neglected time and time again.  The only difference this time is that the consequences were more severe.

So I return to TX without much.  I’ve grown a lot, learned a lot about limits and letting go, about being responsible and about listening to myself.  I’m back to ATX tonight, then off to H-Town for an interview with the French consulate and then Thanksgiving dinner with the family.  I’ll be back in ATX soon after, manifesting something beautiful and abundant!

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